I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
