I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
