Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
