Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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