You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
