Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
