everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
two words: eviction party
Hippo gnu deer
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
