Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
