when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
