1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
