I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
