i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
