R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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