omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize