i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
