I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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