she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
