I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize