You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
