I wish my penis had an off switch
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
