Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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