ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
