I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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