tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
