bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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