He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
