i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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