and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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