you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
