I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
