Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
