I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize