It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
