Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
