3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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