You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
