I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
