just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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