If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
