So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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