I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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