I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
