The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
