so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The Olympian is in my bed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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