Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
