but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
