I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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