He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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