I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
