oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
