While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
