I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
