when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
