I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize