I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
