I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
