I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize