i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
