do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
