well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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