I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
