i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
