Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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