you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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