if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
